Part II: THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

Cutest (occasionally) and I (always) like to think of ourselves as romantics. We get a kick out of date nights; we snuggle on the couch with a lap blanket; eat popcorn and even watch Netflix rom-coms sometimes (but I cannot do Hallmarks); we sigh when spying a couple sneaking a kiss in public, and we imagine gentle train rides rolling through the countryside….SCREECH!!! That last image no longer exists.

Last week Cutest colorfully described for our readers part of our ten-day train odyssey. We saw many beautiful sights and chatted with interesting people. However, riding the rails, regardless of how much AMTRAK tries to paint you a Norman Rockwell picture of the journey, just doesn’t quite turn out that way.

Let me cut AMTRAK a little slack. They are attempting to do the best they can with what little money Congress doles out to them. AMTRAK’s employees are courteous, helpful and put on a happy face. They do this while everyone jiggles, bounces and lurches along. The big city train stations were largely lovely; the little towns we passed were occasionally sorta scenic, the mountains and rivers (North Dakota and towards Seattle) were scenes from National Geographic. Arrow > through the following to see what I mean.

My biggest surprise was the quality of food served. It definitely beats airline coach offerings. Mostly. Unfortunately by the third or fourth day, the limited menu peters out. It’s times like these I revert to grilled cheese, which they had and was good even if not grilled on the spot. However, I am no longer seven so even that gets tiring. You'll be glad to know we only took one picture of the food.

Attractively served, too. (I'm no longer sure what this is.) You do get to eat with strangers though. Some are interesting.

No matter how many Orient Express or Cary Grant-train-involved-movies you may have watched, sipping coffee or just attempting to guide your fork into your mouth can be a challenge. Departing the train on land sees you doing the “sailors’ shuffle.” That’s when your legs and feet are trying to anticipate the ship’s deck or train’s floor movements. After miles of side to side and up and down bobbing and weaving, it takes a whole day to regain your land legs.

Sleeper cars come in a variety of sizes and costs, but even the best make a Motel 6 room look inviting. Knees can bump into knees and toilets can double as showers. We didn’t try the shower I must add. A portion of the ceiling transforms into a bunk bed, which getting in and out of has got to be part of some country’s senior olympics.

If you were hoping to sketch passing pastoral scenes from your cabin’s window, don’t get your hopes up too high. East of the Mississippi there are junk yards and junky back yards a-plenty. As we neared Chicago, I felt certain that Jimmy Hoffa’s bones could be found rotting away in the trunk of a ‘48 Ford, squatting axle deep in decades of midwestern mud behind the fence of Big Al's junk yard. Some backyards looked almost the same.

What did we learn? Take shorter train trips and stay away from routes that include very much of the industrialized parts of the country. (Not sure that's possible.) Bring your own wine and liquor, cheese and crackers, a good book and a deck of cards. Do not be in a hurry. Freight trains have priority over passenger trains which equates to sitting on the side track while a mile and a half freighter streams by. Do not have a strict schedule or immutable plans. Enjoy the mundane.

Would we do it again? Yes, but not for a while and with shorter stretches between stops and longer layovers. Until the U.S. gets bullet trains, air travel still remains the quickest and slightly more comfortable mode of transportation. I still prefer cars, and Cutest still plans to meet me at long distant destinations.

Do we think that you should try a train trip? Absolutely. If nothing else, it makes for great stories.

So maybe not the beautiful ending of the CBS Sunday Morning Show. . .

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Ahem.

We thought sometimes we'd add just a VERY brief and irrelevant note about some place new to us and maybe to you, usually in KC. This week it's Cru Bistro and Bottles, in Brookside, in the spot replacing Michael Forbes Grille. Whatever else you get, try the roasted grapes and olives as an app which we show below, half eaten. Weirdly wonderful.